Consequences of Endless Fears of Bad Omens and Divine Punishment
• Fear of bad omens, fear of divine punishment, and others
• By Naotaro Morino (pseudonym), 36 years old male, company employee
Fear of Bad Omens Since School Days
I spent many days in bed due to my poor health condition. I spent a lot of time looking at the ceiling and immersing myself in fantasies while in bed. Probably because of it, I became shy and was unable to socialize with others actively. Neurotic symptoms (shinkeishitsu-sho) emerged when I quit my junior high school club activities to which I used to be so dedicated. While I had still wanted to continue, the daily training had become so demanding that I had to quit to become free from it. I felt liberated and light on the day I quit the club, but I gradually started to feel badly. I kept thinking of the club that I had left and had nothing to do with. I began to feel restless. I said to myself: “Why didn’t I stick to it after all my previous hard work?” I felt remorseful. In an attempt to distract myself, I ran to a nearby shrine late at night after my study; I confessed and regretted my error and prayed to be pardoned. However, the regretful feelings did not go away and my sense of guilt got worse. Days passed in such a mental condition, and I had to face university entrance exams without much preparation or planning for future. I failed in all exams and had to try another university’s supplementary entrance exam or find an entrance exam scheduled for a later date. I luckily passed the exams for several universities including the one near my home. In the end, I chose the school too far to commute daily from home. This is because I had been feeling badly for troubling my parents with my emotional difficulties and wanted to disappear from home.
I then began to live in a student dormitory. I was appalled at the small size and rough condition of my room and concluded that I had been drawn to such a poor living condition because of my previous bad deed, and that this was a manifestation of divine punishment delivered to me. I was struck by the fear that I would have to face disastrous situations in my life beyond imagination. My mind dwelt on the anticipation that I would repeat similar mistakes in future. Thinking that my problems might be caused by my not paying proper respect to the family ancestors, I travelled a long distance to the family cemetery alone. However, nothing changed.
A librarian at the university’s student library recommended a book to me one day. It was a book written by a physics professor. It was such an interesting book that I finished reading it quickly. The book gave me a refreshing reminder that there were invisible matters around us such as gravity and electricity. This awareness led me to consider the existence of the deceased ancestors’ spirits and mental vibrations. I felt suffocated when I thought that there was a world in existence beyond the visible world and there might be invisible beings standing behind me. I began to be preoccupied with the uneasy and ominous feelings and sensations that I felt around my back. I chose a different and longer route whenever I felt uneasy walking on my usual route. Subsequently, I developed insomnia and became preoccupied with my attempts to chase away the invisible beings. My search for a cure of this strange sensation began and I looked for clinical cases with similar symptoms to mine in various psychiatric books.
Accidental Encounter with Morita Therapy at a Bookstore
I happened to stop at a nearby bookstore and found Morita therapy books there. Although I did not quickly grasp what was written, I purchased some of them in hopes that my problems would be solved, even slightly. I studied these informative books and read anecdotes of people who had overcome their neurotic problems. I was astounded to realize that my way of thinking had been completely wrong. I read the following passages in one of the books:
• The nervous symptoms (shinkeishitsu-sho) are not caused by weakened nerves. Such symptoms are experienced by individuals with a certain temperament. Shinkeishitsu-sho is not an illness.
• Shinkeishitsu-sho should not be treated as an illness. If they are treated as healthy persons, they will make a quick recovery.
In the past, I had regarded my symptoms as manifestations of my abnormality based on the assumption that what I had been suffering was a form of illness. I was completely wrong on this. I realized that regarding myself as a sick person would not lead to a therapeutic cure. The following is another passage in the book which fit my own case completely:
• The sensations of discomfort escalate because of the self-aggravating process of mental preoccupation resulting from excessive self-observation and focus on the minute details of the symptoms.
Honest Sharing of Life Difficulties with Peers
I joined a regularly meeting group of people who were studying Morita therapy so that I could hear directly about their own experiences. Contrary to my expectations, it was a cheerful group. The instructor for the group said, “It is good that you are managing to maintain a good daily living pattern. It is important that you accumulate a wide range of life experiences.” I later moved to the Kansai area on a work assignment and one day visited the Mental Health Okamoto Foundation, which I had heard had a collection of thousands of books on Morita therapy. Following the advice of the Foundation’s staff, I visited a Morita therapy study group meeting venue which was packed with its members sitting close to each other. Talking about shinkeishitsu-sho with people close to us could be very uncomfortable, but there was no need to worry about such a thing here. The group members shared a positive and energized sentiment of supporting each other in the hope that they would one day overcome the present difficulties and enjoy recovery. Above all, I most highly valued the friendship with these members who allowed me to share my honest thoughts and feelings without pretention or self-inhibition. I became less immobilized by my long-standing sufferings. At the same time, I was experiencing a problem about marriage which I found very difficult to solve.
Marriage, Now, and Future
Although I was encouraged by the people around me to find someone and get married soon, I had been struggling with a persistent anxiety about causing troubles and inconveniences to my future wife if my shinkeishitsu-sho symptoms would recur. A senior friend then introduced me to a woman whom I later married. I remained hesitant about getting married because of this inner conflict; resolving this conflict was my first priority. My friend said, “I’m going to step down as a match-maker for you because you are still too preoccupied with your own inner conflict to move forward into a new relationship.” This comment forced me to think of my future seriously. After I had become more transparent about my problems and discussed various concerns openly with this woman, we decided to get married. Since then our married life has kept me busy and left me with little time to dwell on my shinkeishitu-sho. Now, as a father of two children, I am having a busy and fulfilling life.
I initially thought that Morita therapy was only for overcoming the symptoms. I then realized that it was much more profound than that as I studied Morita therapy more deeply. I was moved by the following statement in Shoma Morita Collected Works 5:
• The reason why shinkeishitsu persons get caught in inner turmoil and end up tormenting themselves physically and being mentally driven by a sense of inferiority and various obsessive thoughts is not simply because they self-deprecate and induce inner conflicts resulting from inferiority and mental despair. Rather, it is because they sincerely wish to have a meaningful and successful life, to be respected by others, and to fulfill their genuine selfhood and resultantly experience intense anguish over the gap between reality and idealistic wishes.
Morita therapy will likely remain as an indispensable source of guidance in my life, and I plan to continue studying it using Morita’s Collected Works.